went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
just found out that she named her cat after me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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