Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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