You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
