So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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