my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
