You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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