It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
