btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
