Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
