this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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