Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
