I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
