I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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