I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize