I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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