Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
