Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Someone shit on the floor
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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