Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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