Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Are we still banned from the library?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
