haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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