i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize