last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
