So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
3pm strippers are depressing
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
