I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
