Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
