i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
