you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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