apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We are all done wearing pants today
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
