When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
