Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
