Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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