my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
