I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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