My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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