My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
