I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
