No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
