What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
