New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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