update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
