Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
