i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
