You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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