would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
