Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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