Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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