i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I love you. Go after that dick
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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