you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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