what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
fuck your aforementioned shoe
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
