Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
