I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
