it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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