turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
