Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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