I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
