i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i love accidental penises.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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