I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
