god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize