Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
