Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
