Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
