Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
