Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
