I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
