worst night to have a conscience
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
