Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just puked most of my soul out..
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