so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
