just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Houston, we have a blender
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
