you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
